It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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