I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
