my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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