What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
