you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
