i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
