my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
