Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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