What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
two words: eviction party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
