I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
