he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
