I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
