too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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