you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
