Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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