Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
