I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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