i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
