dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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