I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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