nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
