you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
