Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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