My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
