Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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