You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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