hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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