dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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