this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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