he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
