you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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