why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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