Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
