Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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