he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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