Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
