giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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