Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
