He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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