I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Houston, we have a blender
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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