i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
