She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
