I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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