this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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