and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
