You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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