Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
