he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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