You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
