He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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